Were you too afraid to ask?

a person sitting on wooden planks across the lake scenery

Hello – I’m Michael Durrington and Co-director of a private counselling service in Edinburgh, Scotland. My passion for counselling, is to help bring transformational change for clients through the therapeutic relationship, based on trust. As an integrative Counsellor, my experience and interest includes Individual and Couples, trauma, and the relational issues of daily living. I am particularly interested in the emotional relationships and language developed in men.

Ever wondered why we find it so hard to put words to our emotions, and those needs we feel so unaware or afraid of asking for – as men in society! I remember myself, not so long ago struggling at work, married life and relationships, what role was I playing, who was I supposed to be. Yet, behind this facade of competing masks to the rest of the world – I was crumbling inside, feeling so afraid of which direction to turn, I’m not good enough, I feel no worth or love – how to maintain those spinning plates – the vibrant professional – seemingly having the hand on the pulse in many directions; the husband – part of a great relationship; an active in social scene – even involved in national and world tours as part of a great group.

All seemed well, and from the outside looks such an amazing life – hashtag codependency hashtag breakdown hashtag loss hashtag despair. I thought this stuff only happened to other people, even those movies I watched – surely it doesn’t get so bad – they must see coming. I can assure you – you don’t – It was like being hit by a truck – out of no-where. Yet, it was there -if you knew what signs to look for – but you don’t – you fool yourself that you can make it all work – that internal dialogue kicks in (the games we play – trauma triangle) – only finding myself in an undignified tearful mess, barely comprehensible as you spill your guts out to those colleagues that least expected it, and just held you there looking as the scales of the masks you had been wearing fall to the floor – feeling so vulnerable and naked in the truth laid bare. You hadn’t committed adultery, robbed a bank or insulted your in-laws. But, a secret, a hidden truth, the emotional impact was so overwhelming and unbearable to carry – was now there in public for all to see – the pain and the wounds – your adult self no longer able to stand, the hidden child crying, afraid….what next step is this journey taking…no longer in control….

During this blog I am interested discussions on topics of emotions; vulnerability; culture and impact of society on mens emotional development; how race and gender effect mens capacity to engage in their emotional dialogue; neuroscience and developments in emotional learning and understandings have in allowing men to rediscover their relational value and place of worth in society.

I would love to connect with interested parties in research and individuals who may want to collaborate in these areas.

If the Blog is successful throughout the year – I wish to take this further and utilise the engagement and discussions towards submitting a PhD proposal…

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